Personal pity party? Call it done!

February 8, 2012 Leave a comment

If you think about getting the brain in a place where positive change is possible, then you know you have to get the brain in a forward-leaning posture, rather than a threat-response.

It is interesting to think about the science of the brain in the context of a coaching conversation.  No matter who you are talking with and no matter what the challenge to overcome or the goal to achieve, the brain has to move into that forward-learning space in order to make progress.  That means you have to STOP thinking about the problem and focus on the solution.

Makes sense, right?  Only challenge is… that means that many times you have to interrupt a personal pity party.  Whether blaming someone else, lamenting about your misfortune, or just being frustrated by a lack of progress,  if you spend too much time thinking about the problem that is where you will stay!  Instead, once you know just enough about the cause of the problem, move on to solution focus!

Get the mind focused on what need to happen to move onward and upward.  Get a visual of the end-state.  And, get the emotions focused on what it is going to look like and feel like on the ‘other side’ of the challenge!

Step by step, move forward in the plan and the process.

Filed under brain-based coaching, coaching, Insight, Leadership, Results Coaching Tagged with , ,

Whose job is it anyway?

December 6, 2011 Leave a comment

In my previous posts I have mentioned the Neuroleadership Group and what I am learning through their Results Coaching approach.  What I have learned so far has made me change my approach by 180-degrees.

We all have lots of opportunities to influence others, no matter what our role — parent, peer, partner, coach, manager, friend.  I don’t know about you, but my modus operandi historically, has been to be very free with my advice when people ask.. and sometimes even when they don’t ask.  I like being a problem-solver.  I like being sought out for advice and I like giving it!  (There may or may not be a little ego in there, she types while wearing a smirk!)  But, it is also a tough job, taking on the responsibility of being the problem-solver, advice-giver.

What I am learning and practicing lately are models and tools for helping people move themselves from their defined Point A to Point B.

There are two critical points in that last sentence.  The first important point is that A and B (starting point and goal point) are both defined by the ‘coachee’.  The second very important point is that I am NOT moving the person from their starting point to their goal, they are moving themselves!  It is not my job to move them, nor is it even possible.  My only “job” is to ask questions that make the ‘coachee’ think about their own thinking, and determine the best steps to get them from point A to point B.

There is actually liberation in my new ‘job’ in the process.  I no longer feel the pressure of getting the right answer, giving the right advice, thinking of all the new solutions.  Instead, my job is simply to ask questions that help the person find the solution for themselves.

I don’t know why I am still so amazed by the process and how it works, but I am.  Just asking someone to think about their own thinking works – the coachee has insights (new connections in the brain).  The solutions are in there, they just need to be teased out.

Here are few links to books and resources…

Filed under coaching, Insight, Leadership, Neuroleadership, Results Coaching Tagged with , , , , ,

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