Trusted friend or permission to misbehave?

May 16, 2012 Leave a comment

Let’s face it we all have bad days at work.  You know – when you get home and need to complain about someone or something that happened that day.  You need to vent to process; you need to share the details, your reactions, and the emotions that go along with the episode.  I cannot tell a lie.  I have done it.

Given the typical challenges of hierarchy, when you are a leader in an organization it is even more difficult to find a confidante with whom it is appropriate to have a discussion about a challenging colleague or a project that has ‘gone south’.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had that ‘trusted friend’ at work so we could vent at work instead?  Or would it?

I have another word for that can sometimes be used for ‘trusted friend’ — I call it ‘permission to misbehave’.   Stop and think about it — does your conversation maintain a professional tone and purpose?  Or, do you have to whisper or close the door so you can really get into it?

Of course there is a fine line between confidential business-focused discussion and destructive gossip.  Use these questions to determine whether or not your conversation will have a constructive outcome or will simply contribute to the mess.

  • Is your discussion focused on the facts of the matter or is it focused on the personalities involved?
  • Is your discussion focused on the impact to the team, the project, or the company or is it focused on how you have been personally wronged?
  • Is your discussion focused on what you will do to address the situation or is it focused on identifying the ‘culprit’ and labeling them and their performance?

Be careful how you take advantage of a trusted friend at work, whether you were friends before you started working together or have become trusted friends since working together, make sure your conversations at work are focused on the work, how it is going, and how you might have an impact on improving a situation that needs adjustment.  Don’t’ get caught in the habit if ‘venting’ about people, complaining about situations, or bashing the company.  Those conversations are a reflection of you as a leader.

There are certainly times that you must discuss a specific person and his or her strengths, weaknesses, and fit within the organization.  There are also times when you have to dig into why a project went wrong and who/what/why it went wrong.  I am not talking about these types of critical confidential conversations.

As a leader, always imagine the details of your conversation becoming available in a public forum.  Will your words and tone reflect a gossip or a complainer?  Or, will your words reflect a leader who is focused on moving a person, the team, or the company forward?

 

Filed under coaching, Leadership Tagged with , ,

The Golden Rule in Leadership… NOT

May 1, 2012 1 Comment

Have you ever heard the expression ‘if you only have a hammer everything looks like a nail’?  I love to use this expression when it comes to management styles.  A hard-driving style can be very, very effective… if it is used appropriately and in a situation that calls for that style and approach.  Your “coaching” style (see Goleman, “Leadership that Gets Results”) can be very, very effective… if it is used appropriately and within a situation that calls for that style and approach.  One size does not fit all.  And, the best leaders know this and are able to adapt their style to the situation, the person, and the person-situation combination.  There are many instruments you can use to get a view of your style as a leader.  We use the DISC as one tool to identify a leadership style.  Then, we focus on how to adapt your style to increase your effectiveness as a leader.

Leaders who adapt their style:

  • identify individual styles
  • acknowledge differences
  • tailor their approach

Identify individual styles:  The most effective leaders have a high level of self-awareness.  You know your style.  You know your tendencies in specific situations.  You know the way you like to work, your strengths, and when your strengths become your weaknesses.  Great leaders also have a high level of awareness of others.  You know the styles and preferences of those around you and you pay attention to cues that help you determine how others are going to respond.  Use any model you choose, but know well your tendencies and how your style interacts with other styles.  It is how you maximize impact.

Acknowledge differences:  It is critical that you acknowledge differences, accepting the fact that there are many styles that are effective in different situations.  Only the most arrogant (and disillusioned) believe their style is best all the time.  The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”… this commonly held belief might be useful in social situations, but in leadership not so much!  You must know others around you and the biggest mistake you can make is to assume they all want to be rewarded, recognized, and motivated just like you do!  Be aware of your style and how it complements and conflicts with other styles.  Know it and plan for it.

Tailor their approach:  If you know your style, know the style of those around you, and can honestly acknowledge different styles you are in a great position to tailor your approach to maximize effectiveness.  It is important to know how others are motivated and tailor your approach to inspiring and motivating the desired behavior.  You may be a driver who only needs a carrot on the other side of the wall.  However, your direct report may need coaxing, motivation that includes the ‘why?’ or specs on how high the wall is before they are willing to scale the wall with you.  The more tools you have in your leadership toolkit, the more likely you are to be effective in motivating many.

Filed under coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development, Management development Tagged with , , , , ,

Hold People Accountable

April 28, 2012 Leave a comment

In our last webinar we focused on setting the priorities and planning for accomplishment.  In this 3rd webinar we focus on good practices for holding people accountable.  We read the HBR article “Who’s Got the Monkey?” by William Onchen, Jr., and Donald Wass.  The concept in the article was the backdrop for holding people accountable for the right things while avoiding taking all of the accountability on yourself. It is a great read.  Research completed by Partner in Leadership reported that 80% of leaders feel less than adequate when asked to evaluate their success in this area.  Clearly, it is a great place to focus.

Our three premise statements for a leader who effectively holds people accountable are:

  1. Align expectations
  2. Consistently follow-up
  3. Create ownership
Align expectations:  Here is the best news about aligning expectations — if you are outrageously clear about the expectations, and the employee understands, and you agree upon checkpoints… holding people accountable becomes the simplest part of the equation!  If your employee knows what you are looking for and when you are going to look, then your task is simply to ask on-time!  No arguments.  No confusion.  Here is the bad news about aligning expectations — not many leaders are strong in this area.  Three things you can do to improve your skills in this area.  First, before you set the expectations with your employees consider the situation from their perspective.  Consider what’s in it for them, what will be easy, what will be difficult.  Think it through before you begin then conversation.  Second, have the conversation.  Notice I did not say “tell them the expectations”.  I said have the conversation; a two-way dialogue.  Involve the employee in the setting of clear expectations.  Finally, restate.  It seems so simple, but it happens so infrequently.  After you have had your conversation and believe you have reached agreement, simply restate or better yet have the employee restate.  If you follow these simple steps, you can guarantee alignment.
Consistently follow-up:  Do you have routines that help you follow-up consistently?  Do you use the same routines for all employees, both high-performing and struggling?  There is no magic bullet here.  To be effective at follow-up you need to establish routines or cues for  yourself to follow-up at designated times — use your calendar, use a follow-up email, ask your employee to follow-up (that means you probably have to set a calendar reminder to remember that you asked your employee to follow-up!).  Whatever you do, be consistent.  And, think about the employee — a struggling employee may need to follow-up after baby steps while the high-performer can clearly be monitored differently.
Create ownership:  In the book, “The Oz Principle” (Connors, Hickman, and Smith) talk about the importance of the ‘line’ when it comes to accountability.  Below the line there are statements that clearly reflect a lack of accountability — “I don’t remember you asking me that”, “I could have accomplished it but…”, “It is really not my fault.”  Recognize these statements as ‘below the line’, lacking accountability and address directly.  You may have to go back to the first step of Align Expectations.  ”Above the line” statements reflect clear accountability on the employee’s part.  Statements such as ‘I have a recommendation’, “Let me tell you how we are going to get this done.”  It is much easier to be successful with employees who stay ‘above the line’.  Follow these steps and make it much more likely!

Filed under coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development, Management development Tagged with , , , , ,

The elbow turns are critical to prepare a new leader

April 6, 2012 Leave a comment

I am facilitating a group of first level managers through a great series of topics that deal specifically with the fundamentals of management — really focused on new mindsets, management behaviors and people skills to add to your arsenal as a leader of individuals and teams.

In one of our recent sessions we discussed the typical transition from individual contributor to manager that is characterized by ‘doing more of what you did well as a successful individual contributor, only working faster and harder, doing more of what got you here’.  You can imagine the rich conversation and even the sighs of relief when the participants realized they were not alone.  They all, to some extent, relied heavily on what ‘got them here’ to be successful as a manager.

On one hand the discussion made me realize how valuable our 6-month series will be for these managers who are quite successful in their own right, but will clearly benefit from some new mindsets that will generate a different perspective, some new behaviors, and a bolstered management toolkit.

Yesterday, though, a thought came to my mind.  No wonder these new managers are leaning on exactly what got them to the management position in the first place!  No wonder they are exhausted from doing more, faster, harder, and with higher expectations!  I say ‘no wonder’ because I ask myself — how have we prepared them for the transition?  We focus on operational and financial skills and knowledge.   Of course those are critical.  However, those skills are necessary, but not sufficient.  We need to pay much stricter attention to the exact behaviors these new managers need that they did not need to be a successful leader of others.

I first considered this concept while reading “The Leadership Pipeline” (Charan, Dotter, Noel).  This book discusses the concept at length.  I have used the idea throughout our company and refer to these ‘transition’ skills as ‘the elbow in the turn’.  In other words, what skills are required as a manager that were irrelevant to a successful individual contributor?  After you have identified the skills, dig deeper to understand the mindsets that underlie these skills and behaviors.  The easiest example for a new leader is the difference between getting results by driving your own behavior toward target versus as a manager having to equip, enable, and energize others toward their own goals.  It is critical — a leader cannot carry the entire team on their back for long!  You get the idea.

Careful consideration of these ‘elbow turns’ is so important for every change in management level.

Filed under coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , ,

As sugar is the enemy of the American diet…

March 2, 2012 Leave a comment

As sugar is the enemy of the American diet (and I believe it is at least one of the top 3), talking just might be the biggest enemy of insight.

How much time on your calendar today was blocked for ‘thinking’?  Thinking about a project, a problem, an opportunity, or nothing.  On the other hand, much time on your calendar today was blocked for talking with someone or many someones?  And, during that conversation or on that coveted conference call how much silence was there at any given point?  My guess is precious little… we are simply not committed to allowing silence be a planned part of our day.  Our level of activity and over-scheduled calendars is epidemic.  It is rare that you find someone who is religious about quiet time during the work day.

Consider your totally booked day and then stop for one minute and think… how many brand-new ideas were generated today, by you or others, as you talked?  I mean genuinely new, innovative thoughts?  How many “aha moments” did you have?

Insights require reflection, silence, breaks from the talking, and often even breaks from direct and active (aka hard) thinking.  I recently challenged a group of managers to spend a few hours at a coffee shop of their choice this weekend to simply ‘think about their direct reports’… consider each person, individually; make notes about what they knew about the person — strengths, triggers, learning style preferences… just think about their people.  (I even bought them gift cards to encourage the activity.)

I don’t know how many of those managers took me up on the idea.  Will you?  Try it — block time just to think.  You’ll be amazed at how much you actually ‘accomplish’!

Filed under brain-based coaching, coaching, Insight, Intuition, Leadership, Reflection Tagged with , ,

The curse and blessing of great hard-wiring

February 10, 2012 Leave a comment

The brain has tons and tons of space for hard-wired knowledge, routines, and experiences.  Relatively speaking, the brain does not have much space for working memory or active problem-solving.  According to David Rock your working memory (pre-frontal cortex) is the size of a square foot cube, then your brain’s capacity for hard-wiring is the size of the milky-way.

It would stand to reason that the more experiences you have, the more hard-wiring you have.  The more practice you have applying what you know in real situations, the more hard-wired responses you have.  This is great, right?  It creates the ‘automaticity of expertise’.  The more experiences we have, the more we have to draw on when we encounter the same or similar situations without even thinking about it.  And, if you don’t have to think about how to respond, there is more space left in the working memory to solve a new problem.

Therein lies the blessing of a great capacity for hard-wiring.  Without it we would never be able to function.

But there is a dark-side.  (Of course there is.)

Once you have a situation hard-wired, it is very easy to recall that routine and respond as you always have.  Therein lies the curse of a great capacity for hard-wiring.  It is much more difficult, if not impossible, to ‘un-hard-wire’ something in the brain.  It is even difficult to force your brain to think about that hard-wired situation in any way other than the way that is hard-wired.

It takes a conscious effort to see something in a brand new way.  I have heard of Vuja De… the opposite of Deja Vu… Deja Vu is experiencing something and having the feeling you have already been there.  Vuja De is just the opposite – it is having already been somewhere and being able to experience it as if you have never been there before  (George Carlin via William Taylor).

That requires some serious, conscious effort.  How can we get a leader to experience Vuja De rather than lean solely on the old hard-wired experiences?

Questions are the answer.  Use questions that ask about their thinking.  Use questions that challenge assumptions and that can lead to new wiring.  A simple question like ‘are there other things that might explain this?’ can lead a leader down a new path.

Clearly we can’t live without hard-wiring.  The same could be said about new-wiring – who wants to live without it?

Filed under brain-based coaching, coaching, Insight, Leadership, Neuroleadership Tagged with , , ,

Just ask a question, any question!

February 6, 2012 Leave a comment

Last week I had the opportunity to experience a full-day of training on ‘facilitation with the brain in mind’ with David Rock of the Neuroleadership Group.    My entire team and many colleagues shared a day of introductory training that started with an introduction to the brain science behind relating, communicating, teaching, and leading.  It was a great refresher for me.

For the bulk of the afternoon we focused on what David calls the “Dance of Insight”, which is a framework for quality conversations that take a coachee or direct report from ‘impasse to insight’.  The approach just makes sense and I have witnessed, on several occasions now, the positive impact the approach can have in a conversation.  If you are interested in more detail I recommend the book “Quiet Leadership” by Rock.

What struck me last week was an extension of what I have learned in previous classes and have read in many books and articles. I am convinced of the power of a QUESTION rather than a directive, advice-giving, answer-providing approach to coaching.  But what I realized last week occurred to me in the middle of a practice opportunity.  As I struggled to find ‘just the perfect question’ I realized that all I really needed to do was ASK ANY QUESTION.  If I am convinced that the answer or insight is inside the person with whom I am conversing, then all I really need to do is find A QUESTION that helps them continue their own train of thought.  I don’t need the perfect question, the clever ask that will take them straight to insight…

I have bought into the value of letting go of being the great ‘advice-giver’.  It seems now that I also need to give up pride of being the ‘most amazing question-asker’.

Filed under coaching, Insight, Leadership, Leadership Development, Neuroleadership Tagged with , , ,

Focus. I need it.

January 29, 2012 2 Comments

Clearly you can tell from the inconsistency of my blogging habits that I am a novice.  But, I am certain that this is a space for me.  As soon as I can get good habits and routines around blogging, I will LOVE it.

“Failing to plan is planning to fail.”  I love Winston Churchill.

I am a self-proclaimed ‘jack of many, master of a few’ in my professional life.  I am easily interested in many topics, which turns into easily distracted; or diverse experience if you are an optimist like me.  Recently I came to the realization that I am at the midpoint of my working life.  Call it a mid-worklife crisis if you will.  After 25 years of dabbling in some very interesting things (instructional design, learning, facilitation, organizational development, product design, knowledge management, electronic performance support systems, change management, and even a stint in sales and operations) I would like to pick a keen focus.  I want to gain deeper knowledge about a few specific areas; not that I will stop exploring other areas, but I would like some focus and depth.

And, I am pretty sure I have found my future niche, an area that capitalizes on my strengths and interests:  leadership development and coaching.  Helping people get the most out of themselves!

I am excited.  I get energized when I think about it.  I need a plan to make it a reality.  I have a lot of work to do and a lot of experience to gain. The good news is that my current job and this area of interest are perfectly aligned!  I want to get smarter about it every day.

That is my next step:  a plan to sharply define a focus for my 2nd half of work life, and of course, my blog.

Filed under coaching, Insight, Leadership Development Tagged with , , , ,

Golden rules for coaching teams.

December 19, 2011 Leave a comment

A team is simply a collection of individuals, right?  So, coaching a team is just like coaching individuals, right?

I remember right before I had my third child a friend told me my world was about to change exponentially because of the dynamics of three versus two children interacting.  I did not truly understand what my friend meant at the time, but it did not take me long to figure out that adding just one more person to the ‘team’ changed the whole game.

When coaching teams in the workplace, consider the following a few ‘golden rules’.

1. First, pay attention to the energy. It is where you should head.  Pay attention to your team and team members — watch when energy rises.  High energy can be a key indicator of who should do what on your team.  People like to work on things for which they feel passionate, but make sure that the body language shows similar energy.  Many are good at saying ‘yeah, yeah’ when they really mean ‘whatever you say, let’s just move on’.  True energy is expressed verbally and non-verbally.
2. Be purposeful to ensure that all are heard.  There are so many good ideas in the minds of very quiet people!  As a coach or facilitator, if you are not purposefully asking for everyone’s opinion, you won’t get to the best decisions.  Diversity of thought must be actively pursued.  Sometimes you must actively address the dis-engaged part of your group.
3. Allow individual thinking prior to group thinking time for maximum impact. Everyone’s brain works differently and at different speeds.  Be sure to build-in ‘quiet’ time for individual thinking before going to a group brainstorm.  Brainstorming activities are fabulous for getting to innovative ideas, but only if everyone has a chance to contribute.  Offer 3-minutes of personal reflection and idea-generation before brainstorming as a group.  You’ll be amazed at the level of quality that comes from everyone.
4. Clear rules of engagement make it possible to hold each other accountable.  When you start working with a team or a group, decide the ‘rules of engagement’ or expectations of all team members.  If the team agrees upfront that prompt start times is a critical success factor, it is much easier for fellow team members to hold each other accountable when lateness occurs.
5. Watch for ‘energy circuits’  that exclude others, either intentionally or unintentionally.  A few dominant team members that agree often or think similarly can get the whole team railroaded into a less than optimal game plan!  This can sometimes feel like the team is moving, but if you pay attention, only a few members are moving.  As a coach, pay attention to where agreement is coming from — if only a part of the team is actively participating and agreeing, see #2.

Filed under coaching, Facilitation, Leadership, Team Coaching Tagged with , , ,

Whose job is it anyway?

December 6, 2011 Leave a comment

In my previous posts I have mentioned the Neuroleadership Group and what I am learning through their Results Coaching approach.  What I have learned so far has made me change my approach by 180-degrees.

We all have lots of opportunities to influence others, no matter what our role — parent, peer, partner, coach, manager, friend.  I don’t know about you, but my modus operandi historically, has been to be very free with my advice when people ask.. and sometimes even when they don’t ask.  I like being a problem-solver.  I like being sought out for advice and I like giving it!  (There may or may not be a little ego in there, she types while wearing a smirk!)  But, it is also a tough job, taking on the responsibility of being the problem-solver, advice-giver.

What I am learning and practicing lately are models and tools for helping people move themselves from their defined Point A to Point B.

There are two critical points in that last sentence.  The first important point is that A and B (starting point and goal point) are both defined by the ‘coachee’.  The second very important point is that I am NOT moving the person from their starting point to their goal, they are moving themselves!  It is not my job to move them, nor is it even possible.  My only “job” is to ask questions that make the ‘coachee’ think about their own thinking, and determine the best steps to get them from point A to point B.

There is actually liberation in my new ‘job’ in the process.  I no longer feel the pressure of getting the right answer, giving the right advice, thinking of all the new solutions.  Instead, my job is simply to ask questions that help the person find the solution for themselves.

I don’t know why I am still so amazed by the process and how it works, but I am.  Just asking someone to think about their own thinking works – the coachee has insights (new connections in the brain).  The solutions are in there, they just need to be teased out.

Here are few links to books and resources…

Filed under coaching, Insight, Leadership, Neuroleadership, Results Coaching Tagged with , , , , ,

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